If you've never had a really terrible roommate, it's easy to think that all those sit-com plots are made up and way to crazy to actually be real. Surely real people don't wave swords around in their boxer shorts. Surely real sensible people living together don't stage bathroom wars, or hide rotting food in their room, or get pets they don't take care of, right?
What you don't realize is that your friend laughing along to the sit-com next to you is laughing because they have had a terrible roommate, and they know it's all true. We scoured the depths of the internet to share with you real stories from real people who have had really terrible roommates. Some of these stories are almost heartwarming in their silliness, some will show you the true value of a sensible person whose only flaw is leaving smelly socks on the living room floor.
As you read through, keep in mind that we only picked the Safe-For-Work stories and cleaned up the language a bit. The full selection includes thousands of stories of crazy roommate antics, drugs, sex, DIY disasters, and mold growths the size you've never seen before. Brace yourselves for the roommate horror:
1. Junior year, I moved off campus with three other guys. One of my roommates would occasionally go home on the weekend to hunt. One Sunday, he brings back a squirrel that he had killed. He then brings it out on the balcony and proceeds to skin it! When he was finished, he put it in a Ziploc bag and put it in our freezer! For a while, every time I opened the freezer, I got startled when that critter was looking back at me!
2. The one roommate that ate my cheese was bad. And I mean, he just straight up ate an entire block of cheese. He left a small corner with clear teeth marks. I was pretty dang annoyed because I didn't even get a chance to use any before he ate it all. That was the cherry on the top of him eating our food.
3. I had a roommate move out after I didn't greet her with a smile and a wave like I "should" have. Seriously. That was 48 hours into living together. She then decided she would move out. Okay, cool, bye Felicity. Not so fast!
She became a "squatter" and wouldn't leave for about a month. At one point in time, I walked up to her room and saw an unhealthy amount of Taco Bell wrappers, Doritos bags, and bowls of cereal that still had the extra milk left in them...IT WAS ALL CURDLED. It was disgusting. She finally moved out after throwing a terrible-2's like tantrum in the kitchen about how the other 3 roommates moved her ranch dressing from in front of the ketchup.
JUSTICE FOR RANCH!
4. The roommate that didn't speak to me for 8 months that I lived in the same house as him. (He would literally just pretend I wasn't there, even if I was standing right there talking to him) and would only communicate with passive aggressive notes on a whiteboard in the kitchen.
5. Halfway through the school year, the two girls in the other room had a massive fight. They basically divided the suite in half, each marking their territory with post-it notes and sharpies. One girl was convinced the other three roommates were stealing her pickles from the pickle jar in the fridge. She sealed it shut with duct tape (so it was tamper evident?) and wrote a note basically saying "quit eating my pickles or I'm gonna cut you"
6. My roommate freshman year stole my credit card, racked up nearly $1000 at the Foot Locker in the Mall.
Right before Thanksgiving break during my freshman year, I got a huge credit card bill with charges at stores that I'd never been too.
I started to panic, but I grabbed my wallet and checked for my card. Sure enough, the card was there, so that really helped narrow down the list of suspects. Turns out, this a-hole would grab my card when I showered, and manage to get it back in my wallet before I noticed. My bank was happy to help press charges. He fessed up to everything when they sent the police over to my dorm, and I had to live with the guy for the couple of weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas, before he could move out
7. I lived with my best friend at one point for a year. He was barely home, as he traveled for work, but he was such a pain. He'd always complain about this or that, and since both of us are strong headed, it just led to arguments.One night, I came home late from my girlfriend's house. I head upstairs to my room, which is just past his. I'm putting down my wallet and stuff, and I head to the bathroom. In the hallway, there's my friend, in his boxers, with a sword.
8. Had one that was pretty cool until he started drinking. Then he just blasted the same 3 songs on repeat, wanted to argue about stupid advanced calculus problems. The one I remember was how many cats would it take to fill the Superdome? Every drunken rampage usually ended with him saying "i'll just get my .45!".. After 3 months I moved out. Haven't talked to him since.
9. I have soooo many bad roommate stories from my freshman year, but here is a quick one.
Lived in Ankers so I have 3 other roommates. I decided to go home for a weekend and I got back on Sunday to find that someone had put a password on my computer. I was a trusting young lad so I did not put one on myself when I got the computer (lesson learned). I was obviously PO'd. I asked my a-hole roommate if he had done anything to my computer and he played dumb.
So I went through my instructions manual to figure out how I could reset the password. Spent about an hour doing whatever it was it told me to do all to no avail. And now I am REALLY mad!! I decide to try to guess what the password is and on my first try I came up with the only word/phrase I could think of at this point being as mad as I was... I type in "f***you"
Sure enough, it was the password. I change the password to something else, and begin to realize this is just the first of what will be a long year of roommate D-baggery.
10. There was this local girl who was a catcher on the softball team, spat when she talked, wore too-tight clothes, stole my Snapple out of the fridge, and loved to drink by herself. One night she brought a strange dude home from the club with her then the fire alarms went off and the building emptied. We get the all clear, and I go back up to the room, my roommate follows. But her dude was nowhere to be found. We fall asleep. A few hours later, I'm half-awake and hear our door open. Apparently, he had stolen her swipe key, ran in, grabbed her laptop and bounced.
11. My freshmen year roommate in the dorms was incredibly sweet, but didn't have a clue about anything. She'd never had a boyfriend and never kissed a guy before. A couple months into the school year, she starts dating a guy. A few weeks into the relationship, she spends the weekend at his apartment. This is the conversation that ensued when she came home:
Roommate comes in looking horrified. "Quailgirl, I think I might be pregnant!"
Now, I know this girl, and I know there is no way in hell this girl has had sex already. "Really roommate, what did you guys do?"
"Well, it was really intense."
"Were you guys naked?"
"No. But he was on top of me!"
I then spend an hour trying to convince this girl there was no way in hell she could be pregnant. She didn't believe me and still went to Planned Parenthood the next day to get Plan B and a prescription for birth control (they didn't end up having sex for like another 8 months).
12. My last roommate was a gun enthusiast. The day we moved in he brought in two rifles and I said "You have two rifles??" The only thing he said to me was "More coming." He just kept bringing in gun after gun until I paid him to stop.
13. Saving the best for last. In 2008, the Founder of VerticalRent Roommate Finder’s ex-girlfriend was moving out of her parent’s house for the first time at 24 years old. In the middle of a walk-thru of a 2-bedroom town home in Millcreek Pennsylvania, she met another young lady who was also looking for a roommate. They struck up a conversation and become fast friends while chatting about their backgrounds. Within 15 minutes, they literally decided to live together and co-signed a 1-year lease agreement for the brand-new town homes in West Erie, Pennsylvania. Big mistake.
Fast-forward 2 months. Life circumstances have changed, and one girl wants to break the lease agreement by paying an early termination fee - which is completely within her legal right according to the lease agreement they both signed with the landlord. However, in doing so -- she deeply offends the other girl by wanting to move out and leave her on her own to pay the rent without a roommate. Underlying issues of "abandonment" bubbled up with the girl who would be staying in the townhome.
Not knowing the other girl’s background or propensity for violence, she proceeds to evacuate her belongings with her boyfriend at the time one evening. The girl staying behind in the townhome, in a sudden rage, attacks her boyfriend out of the blue because she feels that he was the reason for the lease breakage. In short, a restraining order had to be filed against the girl and the judge ordered her to stay away. All of this could have been prevented with a reference and background check on the roommate.
Lesson learned: Never go with “gut instinct” on a new roommate, even if you’re desperate to share the rent load with someone else. Conduct your due diligence. That means a comprehensive background check, a past roommate reference check, and possibly even a credit check to ensure your potential roommate is capable of paying the rent on-time with you every single month. Within an hour, you can find a more suitable roommate in your metropolitan area with an "All Clear Badge" and authetic positive roommate reviews. Guessing or going with "gut instinct" is not advisable or wise when it comes to shareing quarters with anyone, especially in this day and age.
Rooming with a random dorm-pairing or someone you just met on Craigslist is making a gamble that's crazier than most first-time roommates can possibly imagine. These few roommate horror stories are just the tip of the iceberg. For more insights into the wild reality of roommates or help finding someone sensible who will just do the dishes and watch TV like everyone else, contact us today! Matching up sane roommates whose lifestyles mesh is what we do best!